Dealing with uncomfortable sexual fantasies

Written by SHFPACT on . Posted in News & Updates

Sexual Fantasies

It was not your average ask. They'd been together for years, but this came as a shocking surprise. They had a rocking sex life, built on mutual trust, affection and respect for one another, and they'd explored all manner of things together. But during the deep recesses of one wild night, she asked him to do something to her that sent shivers down his spine in the worst kind of way. With a few simple words, she turned him off almost instantly, and broke a dream that had been so beautiful. While she was lying naked, beneath him, his confident, loving, smart, thirty-something, long-term partner asked him, "rape me?"

"I recoiled in what I guess was horror," he wrote, in an email asking me to write to readers for answers.

"How could I possibly 'rape' the woman I loved?"

He describes her reaction to his inaction. She tried to smooth it over with hurried 'don't worry about it darling' dismissals. She tried to bring him back to the wonderful world they'd been playing in moments before. "Forget I said it – it doesn't matter, come here… kiss me…"

But he couldn't. He couldn't kiss the woman he loved because he felt she had asked him to hurt her in the deepest possible way. And though he didn't – and wouldn't – do it, he felt that she, at some level, thought he would. And that would mean he was a monster.

Did she really think he was a monster?

"As soon as you say 'rape', you're talking about something altogether different to love and sex. You're talking about something that is a crime. It is a most vile act. It's an abuse. It's offensive, and it is not something you would do to anyone, let alone someone you cared for more than anyone. I couldn't understand why she wanted me to do that, and I couldn't do the next thing she asked: Forget it."

Read more: http://www.smh.com.au

 

SHFPACT feels the Vibe with Northcott

Written by SHFPACT on . Posted in News & Updates

Vibe Expo 2015

SHFPACT was invited to participate in the first Canberra Feel the Vibe Disability and Sexuality Forum and Expo on the 12th and 13th of June. A first-of-its-kind sexuality and disability expo and forum was held for adults with physical disabilities, their families, carers, advocates and disability support workers. The Feel the Vibe Forum and Expo aimed to lift the lid on sexuality and disability, two often taboo topics, by giving people with disabilities, their supporters and advocates more information about choices in regards to sexuality and disability. In addition and most importantly giving people with disabilities a voice and control over their lives as sexual beings.

Two staff members were invited to speak at the forum, Lisa Grant (Director Client Services) and Erin Smith (Professional and Community Education Officer). Lisa spoke on the importance of educating on the topics of sex, relationships, and parenting so we can properly communicate and ensure people with disability understand these human experiences. Erin discussed the intersection of disability and sexuality from within a human rights framework. Erin spoke at length about the ‘dignity of risk’; we have a right to make decision, take risks, learn from them and then try again. People with disabilities embarking on relationships should have the same dignity of risk as all other people.

At the Saturday evening expo health promotion staff, Riddhi Blackley and Amy Duncan, shared their knowledge with adults with physical disabilities, their families, carers, advocates and disability support workers about sexual health and answered questions. The SHFPACT info stand had games, hands-on displays, health promotion materials and give-aways. 

Questacon gets ‘Sexed up’

Written by SHFPACT on . Posted in News & Updates

Health Training for Doctors

XXX Adults Only Science Night Explosion

There was condom experiments, edible vulva sweet treats, games and any number of cheeky hands-on educational activities at the SHFPACT info booth at Questicon’s ‘XXX Adults only Science Night’. Without a doubt ‘making your own vulva biscuit’ was a hugely popular with visitors. SHPFACT staff helped visitors create over 1000 vulva biscuits out of milk arrowroot bickies, lollies, sprinkles, coconut and mountains of icing . The sweet sticky treats were not only fun to create but also encouraged participants to consider healthy natural genital diversity.

Community educator Erin Smith continued with the theme of healthy genital diversity, in her presentation “Be a Designer Vagina Decliner: the low down on cosmetic female genital surgery”. Presenting to a packed theatre Erin discussed the health impacts of cosmetic female genital surgery, unpacked why women are undergoing these procedures and dispelled myths around body expectations.

SHFPACT were greatly encouraged by the success of the event and believe that participants left celebrating healthy diversity.

 

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